Tuesday, June 10, 2014
This was a big birthday. I was turning 30! Oh my GOD! 30... 30 means responsibility and adult. 30 means grown up. 30 means marriage and family. 30 meant so much.
We celebrated at the melting pot with all of my friends and my family. My sister had just had E and she made an appearance at my birthday celebration. J sat next to me and I remember thinking my whole world was before me.
And it was.
In my thirties:
I bought a house
I got married
I got pregnant
I went to work with my family
I had an amazing little boy
I sold a house
I bought another house
I moved to Fort Worth
And bought yet another house
Learned more about decorative concrete
Watched my sister get married again.
Got pregnant again.
Ran a half marathon
Had my beautiful baby girl
Moved back to houston
Lost my sister
Took over administration of family business
Watched my son start kindergarten
Got separated and later divorced.
Began the process of learning how to be a single parent of two amazing, smart, strong willed, happy and well adjusted children.
Sooooo as I turn 40... I look back nostalgically at my 30's and wonder what's in front of me... but on my actual birthday... I'm not happy to be here. I didn't think I would be doing it alone. I didn't think I would be *here* as I start the next chapter of my life. Soooooo I think I'll celebrate 40 when I am in a different place... When I finally have a handle on this single parenting thing and I've fully got the hang of my new normal.
I know that my future is bright. I know, without a doubt, that the best is yet to come. But I also know that this is my journey. And I know that this journey is teaching me things that I will need in the future. I am blessed beyond measure with the things that I have and in about six month's, I will love celebrating my 40th birthday.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
I am flying to Wisconsin. I am flying to Wisconsin in March..... When it is a balmy 13 degrees... Which is 8 degrees warmer than it was yesterday. Lol. But this has nothing to do with hope..... Ha!
I just read an article on hope. It says that we have a shortage of hope. Hope is not to be mistaken for optimism which is the general feeling that things will work out well. Hope is a game plan. It is a plan for good things to come your way and for how you are going to get there.
We can't just dream about good things happening.... We have to learn ways to MAKE good things happen. And then have confidence in your ability to make it happen. Whether it's make a new friend out of that new girl at the gym, find that new job that makes your days worthwhile or get over that person who brings you nothing but pain and heartache.
Is hope directly tied to self esteem and believing in yourself? And if it is.... How do we work on our own self esteem? Because really.... People can tell you that you are capable but if YOU don't believe it.... It won't happen.
I think I have always been optimistic but I'm not sure I've been hopeful. I hold onto things for too long which hinders my ability to set up my game plan for tomorrow. I keep talking about doing a vision board for things I want in my life in one year, five years and so on. I suppose my lack of hope has prevented me from doing it. That and what if I do it and then none of things on it come true? So if I just don't do it.... Then I won't have things to not come true.... Follow me?
Boy is that self defeatist. .
My past does not dictate who I am or who I am going to be! My New Years resolution was to be authentic to me and what I want. I am doing ok with that. I have had to stop myself though and say.... No! That's NOT what you really want or think. Say what you really think. I don't do it all the time though as it's not natural to me and my people pleasing.
So.... I am hopeful for the future... And now I am going to put together my game plan. :). Anyone wanna be hopeful with me?